


On the Cliff of Crazy

by deliliahjane_writes



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, F/M, Ghost whizzer, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Marvin is a mess, Post-Canon, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-21 05:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11350815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliliahjane_writes/pseuds/deliliahjane_writes
Summary: After Whizzer's passing Marvin can't seem to keep sane. And starts seeing his lover out of the corner of his eye, but his family grows in concern for the man and they can't do more than watch as his life tries to balance itself on the cliff of crazy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Falsettos fic as well as my first fic on this site, feedback would be greatly appreciated.  
> Thank you and enjoy!

Marvin walked in his front door with a frown adorning his face. It wasn’t just a simple frown though, it was a facial expression one could only make after the kind of emotional pain he had been through. After all, watching your lover dwindle away down to nothing will really hit you hard. Especially watching them lose every sense of life they had in a hospital full of other sick people everywhere. 

 

That was what Marvin had just had to watch happen to Whizzer.

 

Marvin watched the man he loved,  _ so much _ , wither away and lose all sense of energy and himself.  

 

Marvin continued into his apartment that he had shared with Whizzer, he threw his jacket on the couch in the living room, smiling at the thought of Whizzer yelling at him for it. Just wanting to hear his voice again. Angry at him or not it would be so much better than this. So much better than him being gone. 

 

He was wearing an uncomfortable stupid suit and he  _ hated it  _ the only reason he wore it was because he knew Whizzer would have liked it. That man was all Marvin could think about. At the funeral, Marvin had just cried. He couldn’t help himself, he tried to be strong for his son and everyone around him but there was no avoiding the inevitable tears to pour down his face.  

 

After Marvin changed out of his clothes and into the same zip-up jacket and jeans he had spent most of his time in since Whizzer got sick. Except before he barely left the hospital, and now he just barely left his couch. And the bottle of Jack Daniels had frequented his hand as of late. 

 

Then help it down with some kind of junk food that was already in the kitchen as he found it hard to leave the confinement of their- no,  _ his _ apartment now. He usually had a bowl of whatever cereal was leftover in the cupboards and when he ran out of milk just ate it dry from the box.

 

It was safe to say Marvin was a disaster. After Whizzer had actually just  _ left _ and that had been all he knew he had just simply been numb. But seeing him in that casket being lowered into the ground was adding to the pile-up of crap. Then, the straw that broke the camel’s back, when his son pulled that damn chess piece out of his jacket pocket. The white king. Jason had let Whizzer win one last time. Marvin couldn’t hold back the bad memories that came with chess and Whizzer.

 

_ “Let me win?” Whizzer had simply asked. They were both sick of the game and it would have provided a simple solution. _

 

_ “Yes Sir,” Marvin answered faster than he could think. _

 

_ “Please?” _

 

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Thanks!” Whizzer shouted overjoyed to win that stupid game but Marvin couldn’t let him have it. _

 

_ “Wait-” _

 

_ “Whizzer wins!” He sounded so happy, something sparked inside Marvin, maybe it was just his repressed anger but it came out fast and hard now. _

 

_ “Wait!” _

 

_ “Wizzer wins!”  _

 

_ “WAIT!” Marvin shouted even louder this time but Whizzer shoved it off as playful. _

 

_ “Checkmate!”  The smile Whizzer displayed on his face was priceless, worth more than the sight of all the stars in the sky combined, but Marvin was too fuming to notice. He got up abruptly from the table with the chess board and stormed away. _

 

_ Whizzer didn’t notice Marvin’s little fit at first, he had been too occupied in his win. When Whizzer looked around the room to see that Marvin had disappeared, he was annoyed yet not surprised at the man’s childish behaviour. _

 

_ “Come on! Marvin! What the hell-” He was cut short by the heavy suitcase being dropped on the floor beside his chair. It was his.  _

 

_ “No.” That was it. Marvin was just overreacting, being his immature self and would get over it in a minute. Right? _

 

_ Whizzer kept shaking his head at the man standing before him.  _

 

_ “Out.”  _

 

_ “You’ve got to be kidding me! I won at chess after you  _ let _ me and you’re kicking me out? You are such a controlling asshole you know that! You always do this! Try to make me into the perfect like pretty boy who does what you say!” _

 

_ “Out,” Marvin repeated the simple word and just further pushed his agenda.  _

 

_ “Fine.” Whizzer huffed under his breath as he picked up the suitcase containing his small collection of personal belongings and clothes and stomped to the door. _

 

_ “I hate you.” Were the last words that left the younger man’s lips as he slammed the door behind him.  _

 

Marvin regretted everything about that day. He hated the way he had dealt with the situation he hated how much of a child he was. Acted younger than his own son who was 10,  _ and a half _   Jason would’ve reminded him.

 

With his bottle of alcohol in hand, he drank away the sorrows of the day and just wanted to feel like it was really was,  _ all going to be all right. _

 

Because life right now, sure as hell didn’t feel _ all right _ . Not even a little.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad people like the first chapter and I hope you enjoy this one just as much!

Marvin had the bottle halfway up to his face when there was a soft tapping at his door. He tried to ignore it and keep drinking but it got far more aggressive the second time along with the company of Charlotte saying something unreadable though the door.

With a sigh of frustration, Marvin placed his drink down on the coffee table and stood up to walk to the door.

***

Charlotte and Cordelia had decided it best to check up on the grieving man as often as they could. The two women knew how badly Marvin was taking it and knew he’d need as much support he could get.

Not to say that they weren’t both respectively grieving as well. They were devastated. 

For Charlotte, it felt like she had let them all down. She felt in some way  _ responsible _ for Whizzer’s passing. She was the doctor, after all, she should have been able to have done something, anything to help him. But she didn’t know. When it had really mattered she didn’t know what to do. What if another doctor at another hospital could’ve helped the man more than her? She had insisted she be in charge to take care of him and had let him down. She had this awful nagging inside her head…. What if Whizzer hated her in his last moments for not being able to save him for shit? She knew deep down he could never, but it didn’t help the thought from surfacing. 

Cordelia, on the other hand, was at a loss for words. Whizzer had been who she was closest to, aside from Charlotte of course, but he had been the one she’d drag to her apartment to try whatever she had just cooked. Often times it wasn’t the best but Whizzer would put on a dorky grin and say it was good. She knew he was lying but the fact that he came back every time she asked him to, even when he  _ knew _ it’d be dreadful, he would try it every time just to make her happy. Which always did put a smile on her face. Or they’d drink fancy cocktails together that she’d whip up and talk about- well just anything really… About life, goals, dreams, lovers; they just would catch up on one another's lives. And God did she miss that. 

Then the two women shared a secret, between them and Whizzer. They both tried to forget it and just overall repress it into not existing. Oh but it did.

_ Cordelia and Whizzer had been sitting on the couch in hers and Charlotte’s apartment after she convinced Whizzer to try her freshly made attempt at more food for Jason’s Bar Mitzvah. As always it wasn’t too great but they laughed it off and poured some drinks. _

_ Out of the blue Whizzer put his glass down in front of him and went into a raging coughing fit. _

_ “Oh my God! Are you choking?” The man shook his head and the coughing died down. He just picked back up his drink and tried to keep talking. “Hey, stop for a second, what just happened to you?”  _

_ “Nothing. I’m fine. Just a tickle in my throat I guess.” Cordelia watched his face, she knew he was lying to her. It was more than just that. _

_ For the rest of the evening, she didn’t mention it again to him. But when Charlotte came home she swiftly ran to her doctor for advice about what had happened. _

_ “I’m sure he’s  _ fine _ Delia, Whizzer is a big boy and can handle himself. You just need to relax.” Charlotte said, as she gripped Cordelia’s hand and looked her in the eyes before a sweet kiss was placed on her lips.  _

_ Cordelia never said anything to Whizzer about that instance ever again, and she regretted it so much.  _

***

Marvin swung open the door to come face to face with his neighbours. He thought it was sweet of them to come over and check on him, he really did, he was just  _ not _ in the mood for people around him. All he really wanted was to down the whiskey and forget how upset he was even for just a few hours to then wake up and feel like absolute  _ shit _ in the morning.

“Hello.” He looked between the two expressionless thinking it was better than the tears he wanted to shed.

“Hey, Marvin.” Cordelia hesitated, holding up a casserole dish, “I uh- I made some food just in case you weren’t up to cooking…”

“Thanks.” Marvin hesitated a second before Cordelia handed him the dish, Marvin tried to pull himself back inside as quickly as he could and lock the two women out.

But Charlotte stuck her foot in the door and looked up at Marvin with the beginning to form in her eyes. She would _not_ let him shut them and everyone else out. It would be detrimental.

“Let us in Marvin, you can’t do this on your own,” Charlotte spoke in a warning tone, the one you would use on a child to make them stop misbehaving. And with that Marvin sighed and opened the door wider letting the two in. 

No one said a word. They knew their way around the apartment from being over so many times, so they went to sit on the couch in the living room. 

Cordelia saw the bottle first. It sat patiently on the coffee table where Marvin had last left it. She felt her heart  _ drop  _ knowing what it meant. She hated the alcohol sitting there. Grieving was never done right if it was done drunk. Cordelia noticed when Charlotte saw it too, just as Marvin was about to sit down. Charlotte swiped her hand grabbing the neck of the bottle so fast no one saw it coming.

“What the hell is this Marvin?” She shook the bottle around in front of the man’s face waiting for his answer.

“It’s- I- I needed it.” Marvin fell all over his words barely getting the out.

“No, sweetheart, you don’t need it.” Cordelia tried to soothe him while Charlotte kept the whiskey.

“Yes, I do! Give it back!” He flailed his arms all around trying to get it back but to no avail, the girls wouldn’t let him have it.

“Why do you think you need it?” 

“I- I don’t want to think about him. I want to forget it all. I just want to-” That was it. He broke again. His voice cracked and the tears started to freely fall down his face. The two instantly felt a pang in their hearts remembering how bad they had to expect Marvin to be. 

He and Whizzer had been so far in love it was hard to tell when they really fell for each other. Neither had ever seen the end coming. And Charlotte and Cordelia could never even begin to imagine having to lose the other. 

The two looked to each other than ran over to Marvin and pulled the crying man into their chests and held him tight. They tried to hold onto their own tears and keep strong for Marvin’s sake, they only each let a few slip as they rubbed his back and ran their fingers on the back of his head and through his hair.

Now  _ that _ , that sent Marvin back. Back to having Whizzer in his arms one late night…

_ The two men laid in bed together, it was calm, quiet and relaxing. It was a comfortable silence between the two.  _

_ “I love your hair.” Marvin’s voice breaks the quiet and Whizzer looks up into his eyes. _

_ “It is pretty fucking amazing….”  _

_ “Oh my God, really?” _

_ “Yes.” He plasters a sly little smirk across his face. _

_ “Hmmm” Marvin just hums as he lifts his one hand up to Whizzer’s head and begins to play with his hair. _

_ “What’re you doing?” He asked, but doesn’t entirely seem to mind. _

_ “I love your hair, so I intend to play with it. Because the last time I did, you actually melted into my arms and it was the most adorable thing.” Marvin continued to swirl his lover’s locks around his fingers. _

_ “For your information, I do not  _ melt  _ I just relax.” Whizzer got all defensive but couldn’t keep the calm smile from his face.  _

_ “Oh, you sure as hell did and you are right now.”  _

_ “No. It’s just calming.” _

_ “So then you wouldn’t mind if I did this?” Marvin pulled his hand away from the younger man’s head and twiddled his thumbs around. _

_ “Oh come on Marv! Please?” _

_ “Please what?” _ __  
  


_ Whizzer started mumbling just quiet enough Marvin didn’t quite catch what he had said. _

_ “What was that? You’ll have to speak up I can’t hear you” He teased. _

_ “Please just keep playing with my hair?” Whizzer sounded so small in that moment, Marvin couldn’t object. _

_ “All right, come here.” A small squeal was just barely audible from Whizzer’s lips which made Marvin laugh as he pulled him into his chest and ran his fingers through his hair. _

_ “I love you Whiz.” He smiled though the words but was only met with small snores. He chuckled and soon fell asleep himself like that. Comfortable and happy with each other. _

Thinking of that made Marvin cry even harder, he couldn’t muster the words up to tell Cordelia to stop, he wanted to be comforted but it just made him think of the one man he missed more than anything and wasn’t sure if he’d even feel truly better. 

The three were just a mess, holding on for dear life. The fear of falling stronger than ever. Like they’d have the rug swept up from under their feet one more time and this time they wouldn’t be able to keep standing. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it takes me so long to write these, but I hope you enjoy it.

A week had passed now since the funeral. Marvin was just as much a mess as before, maybe worse.

He had kept himself in the apartment since Whizzer had died and had only left for the funeral. Cordelia had to keep bringing him food when his house became depleted of it, or else she knew he would’ve starved.

But now after a week, Marvin didn’t have any alcohol left in the apartment. He had to go out if he wanted more. There was a bar just down the street. Coincidentally, the bar he met Whizzer in. Marvin really didn’t want to go to _that_ bar, but it was the only one within walking distance and if he wanted to get any kind of drunk he didn’t want to be far from home.

***

He sat at the bar while people moved around talking to one another, happily. They were all so goddamn _happy._ It killed him, mostly younger people smiling at each other. Marvin knew the look, it was the same one Whizzer had given him the first time they locked eyes.

_Marvin sat on the stool on the far end of the bar. In the corner watching all the other men dance around, get drunk off their ass, then going off with one another into the washrooms and taking advantage of the semi-privacy they had in there._

_Marvin didn’t entirely know why he was there. Well, he_ knew _why he was there kind of. He knew he was into men. But being at a gay bar full of mostly younger men, he didn’t think any would be into him. But when from across the room Marvin saw a man with floppy brown hair and a shot glass in front of half his face._

_With a sly smirk, the mystery man flung the alcohol down his throat and began to strut over to Marvin._

Marvin sat there downing as much as the bartender would give him, desperately trying to forget about Whizzer. That was his point of going out, to drink himself out and forget it all, his dead lover, nagging ex-wife, overbearing neighbours, and the son he felt he let down.

Marvin kept looking around the room, trying to invest himself into eavesdropping on someone else’s conversation, maybe it’d help him to think of a life that wasn’t touched by the dead man he had, and still did, love with everything he had in him. Maybe go for a quick screw like Whizzer would do before they realised how they both felt about each other. No, Marvin could never do that. He wasn’t the type for a bathroom fuck then forget the other man’s name. That was how he ended up with Whizzer. 

He couldn’t forget the random fuck’s name, he couldn’t get that face out of his head for reasons unknown. But he was glad he couldn’t, glad he never forget the name, _Whizzer Brown_.

_“So what’re you doing here? You don’t exactly seem the type. Or is it your frail masculinity that makes you overcompensate as a closet case?” He said as he rested his arm on the bar in front of Marvin._

_“I- I don’t know what- what you’re talking about…” Marvin managed to stutter out. The situation and the ridiculously attractive man in front of him were not helping him keep his composure._

_“You’re at a gay bar. Cut the act, you’re obviously still pretending to be straight then getting drunk to use that as an excuse for when you screw some guy later.”_

_“And why’s it matter to you anyways?”_

_“Well… maybe I just so happened to be_ that _guy.” The man said as he placed his hand on Marvin’s neck just below his hair sending shivers down his spine. “If you're interested, come with me…” The man purred in Marvin’s ear._

_Marvin followed the man into the bathroom like a little puppy.  Once inside, Marvin stopped him. “Wait, what’s your name?”_

_“Whizzer. Now shut up.” Whizzer gave a sly grin before he went down on Marvin._

Marvin just sat and kept _watching_ like a pathetic loser who was reliving his best times by watching strangers at a gay bar.

He downed another glass of whatever the hell kind of alcohol it was. He didn’t know anymore. Marvin just knew it as the substance that would hopefully help him to have a night where he didn’t cry himself into a nightmare ridden sleep.

Most of his dreams, nightmares rather, were full of Whizzer looking at him with a desperate look on his face saying _‘help me’._ But Marvin couldn’t do a damn thing to stop the illness that ran through his lover's blood.

Another shot down.

_Forget. Forget. Forget._ He chanted to himself over and over again.

“You good there?” A sudden voice came from beside Marvin. A young man, brown hair, brown eyes. His smile turned up the same way Whizzer would give him an _‘Everything will be all right’_ smile.

“Fuck. Did- did I say- say that out loud?” Marvin stuttered out trying not to look at the man. The memories were bad enough, but having a visual reminder hurt him in ways he couldn’t describe.

“You’re saying ‘Forget’ over and over again. What’s got you like that?” The man inched closer putting Marvin in an all too familiar position.

Marvin couldn’t speak. His heart was pounding a million beats per second and his thoughts were jumbled. The man wrapped his arm around Marvin’s shoulders and brought him into his chest. It felt like he was trying to replace Whizzer. Marvin knew it was ridiculous. This man probably didn’t know him or Whizzer, but the strange hurt he felt in his gut came back.

Marvin pushed his way out of the man’s grasp leaving his drink on the bar. He pushed his way through people to the door and left the building as quickly as he could. Standing outside in the cool night New York air, Marvin took a breath.

In and out. Simple as that. But it felt like something, in those seconds that he took the time to catch up with himself, he felt something. He felt like someone’s eyes were on him. It wasn’t something terrible like a stranger in a bar he wasn’t ready for, something soft and sweet.

He felt the way he always did when Whizzer would look at him. His heart would soar and he was ecstatic.

Marvin turned around and looked across the street. In the shadows, he would’ve _sworn_ on his life he saw him. The outline of his body and a small silhouette from the lamppost just over showing a sombre smile on his face. Marvin tried to blink away the drunkenness hoping to God he wouldn’t disappear when he opened his eyes again.

But he was gone. Just like that.

Whizzer was gone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


End file.
